Autumnville

Some magical reminders this holiday season, about how anything is possible:

"DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old.
"Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus.
"Papa says, 'If you see it in THE SUN it's so.'
"Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?

"VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood." ~ Francis Pharcellus Church, New York's Sun Newspaper Sept. 21, 1897


Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen ad unseeable in the world. ~ Francis Pharcellus Church

Today was my last day at Fence. I cannot believe it. I had spent the last six months preparing for this internship--and to have it begin and end so rapidly reminds me oddly of the first time I had sex. I was just beginning to feel comfortable at Fence and to know my way around. Fence taught me a lot about small publishing companies and literary journals. I have learned so much about writing simply by reading it and have learned more about myself as a writer. My confidence is boosted and now I have a clear sense of who I want to be as a writer.

Fence has also shown me how stupid I am. I'll read an essay that my boss Rebecca Wolff wrote or a piece of poetry and find that too much of it goes over my head. I used to believe I had a rather intellectual grasp on literary reality, but I was wrong. I have no concept of either the history or the contemporaries of elite literature circles (which Fence rotates within), though I'm sure they'd hate to hear themselves referred to as "elite literature". I just feel that literature should never be a competition of who "is able to spin words in a more intellectual way" and it certainly shouldn't be a way to jab at another human being. Since when was literature a weapon unless used against the war of injustice? But from what I have read these past few months, literature seems to have become a bully in the streets.

I love this little blog series that Nubby Twiglet does. I always wondered what it might be like to do one myself, so this week I did! Here is my week in pictures:

After browsing the internet looking for blogs about Wicca and Paganism, I came to a very surprising realization: There aren't many. I don't want to discredit the few wonderful blogs that are out there, but there is a gap in cyberspace when it comes to blogs expressing love for this beautiful nature religion.

Since early 2008, I have wanted to be a blogger. That summer I began my first blog, Luscious Letters, hoping to dedicate it to my love for writing. However, Luscious Letters did not work out the way I intended, so I deleted it. I have started and deleted many blogs since then. None of the blogs I have started ever felt right for me. After a few months I often become disenchanted and bored with my content, and I run out of inspiration. I feel this has to do with beginning blogs without having a clear sense of what I hope to achieve with that blog. Most of the blogs I have begun were created just for the sake of having a blog. You can only learn by doing, and I feel that in these past two years I have learned a lot about personal branding and creating an online identity.

I first began my interest in Wicca when I was fourteen years old. I had heard about it through Cate Tiernan's s Sweep series. Though entertaining YA novels, The Sweep books give an entirely inaccurate portrayal of the Wiccan religion. What they did achieve however, was in inspiring me to learn more. The first book on Wicca I bought was Raymond Buckland's "Complete Book of Withcraft". I highly recommend it to anyone wanting to learn more about the religion. Raymond Buckland and his wife Rosemary were both students of Gerald B. Gardner, who founded the religion in Britain in 1951. The Buckland's migrated to the United States in 1962 and began teaching what they called Gardenian Witchcraft here. I was careful to do research about the books I read in my study of the Wiccan religion. My favorite authors are Buckland, Scott Cunningham, Christopher Penczak, and Gwinivere Rain. For the first four years, my interest in Wicca was purely academic. I studied the religion more than practiced it and sought to become as educated as possible on such a controversial subject. Then when I left for college I began to practice and become completely immersed in the religion. I began to attend a public temple here in Albany and became a part of a loving community. I also began studying to become a Priestess.

Then one day my Sophomore year I was sitting in one of my classes when I had a sudden thought that religion was impractical and I closed my heart to Wicca. The love of The Lord and Lady left me then. For the next two years I faced many struggles in my life lost and alone. A few times I would call back out to the God and Goddess, but they ignored me.

A few months ago I began to have dreams about Wicca and about the temple I used to attend. I saw myself once again practicing the religion I had once loved. I felt a stirring in my heart that I had not felt in a long time. I asked The Lord and Lady to reenter my heart, and this time they did. Since then, I have slowly been working on rebuilding my Wiccan practice. It is going to take me a long time to get myself to where I was before, but I look forward to the journey.

This blog will give an account of that journey. It will also be a place to discuss the religion, educate, and communicate with others. Please, if you have any questions email me at alorelle22@gmail.com

I cannot wait to get started!
http://a-wild-heart.blogspot.com/

Blessed Be,
Lorelle

The Cure - Just Like Heaven

"Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream" she said
"The one that makes me laugh" she said
And threw her arms around my neck
"Show me how you do it
And I promise you I promise that
I'll run away with you
I'll run away with you"

Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow
"Why are you so far away?" she said
"Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you
That I'm in love with you"

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You're just like a dream

Daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips to breathe her name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved
And drowned her deep inside of me

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Just like heaven

---------------------

Lemuria - The Origamists Too

My eyes augment the pleasure of our colliding skin
Sliding through you
Plotting your own death on that denim couch
that I found hidious to help the public realize
that you're some kind genious
I've got to hand it to you
those paintings aren't that great
Hey
I'm no Buddy Rich and you ain't Monet
I like your body
I think it's sexy
I want to make origami
All you want to do is make stains on a canvas with paint
Let's compromise and play shadow charades

There is a pile of laundry on my bed that should be folded, but I don't feel like it at all. My weekend was filled with Trivia Pursuit and Monopoly and the first snowfall in Albany. It also contained my initiation back into the Wiccan religion, which surprised everyone, including myself, since I had made an instant turn two years ago and swore off religion completely.

I have been lost though since I had abandoned my spirituality and I had also begun dreaming about it again. This, as well as dreams about the bakery and everything that happened there made me realize that my life needed structure. Drew woke up this morning and told me that he had dreamed about our wedding--but who knows if we will ever be married. He doesn't want to now because we are only twenty-one and in some ways I agree with him. However, if he asked me now I would not say "no". I graduate in May. It could be an October wedding. October 2010. I am excited for 2010 because it's a round number. Odd numbered years make me feel uncomfortable.

My first goal for this new day of mine (because every day and every moment is a second chance) I want to stop being so concerned with what people think of me. I used to get so stressed out about what I was writing on the internet and I would get stressed out if no one commented on what I read that I nearly left the internet. The truth is, I would just be more comfortable if I was myself. Of course this self consciousness is not only the internet. It takes me an eternity to park my car because I have to make sure it is perfect, or else I think someone will judge me. I hate dressing sloppy but at the same time, I feel weird if I dress nicely--like I am being judged for that too. I walk around with my stomach permanently sucked in. I'm afraid to begin regularly attending Trinity Temple again since I abruptly abandoned it in Spring of 2007 and haven't spoken to anyone since. What do they think about me leaving?

These are thoughts that keep me up at night. I know its unhealthy to be so self absorbed.

Most of all I lament loosing touch with almost all my friends. These last three months I have lost touch with way too many people, and at this moment I am nearly friendless other than my boyfriend and roommate. It's probably for the best. Recently when I'm with people I can talk about nothing about myself while my friends are going through things I had no idea about.

So that was my weekend at least. Today is the last day of my classes and then I have two finals. I cannot believe 2009 is over. A year ago I was making New Years Resolutions and posting them all over this--but I don't think I'm going to do that this year. I shouldn't have to wait until the new year to make changes in my life.